I know we have some Irish-speakers here who are also fluent (or at least competent) in German as well. It might be better in that case to work from the original German text:
Quote:
Verbrennen musst du dich wollen
in deiner eignen Flamme:
wie wolltest du neu werden,
wenn du nicht erst Asche geworden bist!
First thing that leaps out to me is the strong emphasis on
verbrennen ("burn"). It's highly unusual to put the verb at the beginning of the sentence like this--and it's something which is possible in both Irish and German but not in English. Also note that
verbrennen means "burn up, burn completely" and that he says you must "will/want" (
wollen) to be burned up, not simply "be ready" (
bereit sein).
Wollen appears again in the second clause where it is translated with "could". It might be acceptable to render this with the Irish conditional, but that seems a little weak to me. "Rise", on the other hand, is poetic licence; the verb is actually "become new" (
neu werden).